Christine Tjia

Then, I was 18. Sitting on the floor in my room, between tears and trembling, I prayed these words: Strength, wisdom and guidance.

Words cannot explain life those next weeks and months, as I faithfully hold on to my decision ... a decision that hurts my heart and caused sleepless nights filled with pain as well as sorrow.

Questions plagued within me. Why? Why now and not later?

Not everything in this world is right and wrong. Some things comes under wise or unwise.

Doubts started to fill inside me. What did I fail to do? Did I make the right choice?

I cried out loud for healing inside. Healing never came. Many nights I laid in my bed, tugged under my quilt, sobbing. Tears rolling down my cheeks, exhausted, feeling helpless, wondering how I would make it to the other side of this.

Healing never came ... or has it? At first glance, I'd say "no" because it didn't come the way I so specifically and faithfully prayed for. But over the years looking back, there is always a reason of why things happened the way it did - regardless of the way you wishes it to.

I wish I could tell you today that I am not afraid. But I would be lying. I am afraid. I fear of the day that I stand still pondering on the what-ifs and regret in depth.

Life is about choices and that I strongly believe and hold. So, I trust and constantly remind myself that each choice that I choose and each decision that I make are with the wisdom and guidance that I had at that moment of time for the best of the future.

And with that, I will keep moving forward in life.