Christine Tjia

I would never forget this single day - 14th Dec 2009.

It was the first time in my life I felt lost and empty. A phone call and that's all it takes. I dropped everything I hv and put on hold my life in Singapore and rush back home at all costs. I don't care if people think I'm irresponsible or my reputation is ruined or the money I had spent for my Korea trip goes to the drain - as I said, at ALL costs.

I hv been in tears every single night and sometimes during day. I don't know how to stop. I prayed for strength, at least for the sake of the rest of us. I'm learning how to suppress tears in front of Dad and getting better at it, sadly by experience - the only way I know how to.

Ever since I reached Jakarta, I hv only been to home and hospital. I couldn't think straight anymore. I couldn't focus, I couldn't eat and when I do, I kept reminding myself that I had to, not for me but for the rest of us. Couldn't sleep either, found myself in prayers most of the times, consciously and subconsciously (not rambling, I hope).

My eyes are too swollen and not fit for contact lenses. It's exhausted but yet my brain refused to sleep. I'm afraid I would dream. Isn't that ridiculous? Silly, I'd say but yet I couldn't convince myself to do otherwise.

I'm not sure the last three vivid dreams I had was a message from up above but I really don't dare to risk to sleep and hv another one. Sigh ... I used to be able to sleep in a swift, like 3 seconds literally. Only now I understand the torture of tossing here and there in bed and couldn't hv a wink of slumber. Wake up and sleep and wake up and sleep, hoping tomorrow would come faster and all this is only a nightmare.

Lord, I pray for healing and that you would keep us close and safe.

Please.