Christine Tjia

Mistakes were once made and I had looked back and returned with forgiveness. Most often, head against heart are my issues. All my life, I had always believed that time will heal the wounds. But I forget that time does not remove the scars. They are there to remind you of yr past, in particular of the mistakes you once made so that history will not repeat itself. Now, I can touch my scars and smiled because I hv come a long, long way. *pat, pat*

If we can ever go back in time, I would still make the same decision and go all over it again. Life is about choices - this I hv often heard but really learn to live it this year. What happened today is a result of the choices you made yesterday.

Since I had hit rock bottom of my life, I realized there will definitely hv a rebound somewhere. There will be a twilight, even if you can't see it at the moment. When you had walked the wrong path, it's true that there is no turning back but I can halt and walk no further. It's never too late to turn over a new leaf. Before each path is taken, the bridge behind me had been burnt. I must keep walking until I reach the journey's end. I'm contented that the power that propels me to move forward does so with superior knowledge as to what is for the best and that is my faith.

So much has happened this year. I used to want things to be done in a certain way – particularly MY way. As I mature, I had learnt to let go more and more. Things that used to agitate me years ago, does not now. Phobia of knife that used to freak me out ages ago has evaporated. Letting go teaches me a lot in life. It’s a skill - hard to learn but once you tasted its fruits of relief and freedom, you will be addicted. =)

Life also has reveal its own magic. Lessons, even if paid with a high price, if not learnt, will repeats itself "magically" – as if it will follow you and haunt you until you get it. I thought I had paid my school fees long time ago but only come to know that it wasn’t enough because the lessons I am supposed to learn is even bigger.

Most often than not, we are so busy and life moves so fast that we hardly can grasp it. The clock is merciless, beating out seconds at a constant rate, ignoring the natural changing rhythms of our minds and our bodies. And so, we are constantly trying to speed up or slow down. I learn to give myself a break for a change and put away that watch for a couple of days and settle into my own natural rhythms.

This year, it has also dawned on me that life is a series of problems. Either you are in one now, you are just coming out of one or you are getting ready to go into another one. I used to think life as a major roller coaster ride - it can go so high up at this moment and so down below the next second and back and forth and so on. But actually, it's like two railway tracks, next to each others because at all times, you hv something good and something bad in your life. Isn't that true?

Life is never a bed of roses. It can be ugly sometimes. But it's the rough parts that you are thankful for because you have people to share it with and to walk with you. It's the people in your life that matters. Honestly, no matter how good life can seem but if you have no one to share it with, it's just meaningless. And with that, I would like to thank each and every one of you for being there for me - you know who you are! =) No matter how small you think you are, you hv made a difference! This year, I hv met quite a lot of new people and gotten close to some. And those that hv been there for me for years, I am still grateful for path to be crossed.

Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and end with no lasting memories made in between. Most days hv no impact on the course of lives. But some days still do. If I had learn anything, it's that you can't describe the great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidences - that's all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidences. But then again, everything is there for a reason. Everything has been planned and happens for a reason. Be it you like it or not. Be it you understand or not.

So much really has happened this year. I laughed. I cried. I panicked. I hv matured. I hv grown (in so many ways - haha!). I was loved. I was tempted and tested but passed with success. I was abused and scolded but came out stronger and wiser (Oh, thank God for that!).

It is only when you hv tasted the bitterness that you will recognize and start to appreciate beauty of the sweetness. After all, it's the life in your years that counts, not the years in your life, rite?

So, here I come 2010!